Covid Humor

Sign on a bookstore window:  “Please note:  The post-apocalyptical fiction section has been moved to Current Affairs.”

“At first, I thought I had Covid because I couldn’t breathe.  Then I unbuttoned my pants and it was all okay.”

“It’s amazing how badly we’re screwing up an apocalypse on the “easy” setting.  We’re clearly not ready for zombies or aliens.”

“Homeschooling is going well.  Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job.”

“I just dumped a pack of M&M’s into my mask at work and am slowly eating them like a horse.  I love the pandemic.”

“On average, a panda feeds for approximately twelve hours a day.  This is the same as an adult at home under quarantine, which is why we call it a pandemic.”

“Now that I’ve lived through an actual plague, I totally understand why Italian Renaissance paintings are full of naked fat people lying on couches.”

“I’m looking outside to see which chapter of Revelations we’re doing today.”

“The Department of Health is looking to hire couples married for seven years or more to educate people on social distancing.”

“Lockdown can only have four outcomes.  You’ll come out a monk, a hunk, a chunk, or a drunk.  Choose wisely.”

“It’s not boring at all to stay in the house.  But how come one bag of rice has 7,456 pieces and the other has 7,398?”

“I’m going to ask my mom if that offer to slap me into next year is still on the table.”

“Canada probably feels like they live in the apartment above a meth lab right about now.”

“Of all the things I learned in grade school, trying to avoid cooties was the last one I expected to use.”


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