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My court date is pending

Some random funnies heard on the street:

 

I danced like no one was watching.  My court date is pending.

I had a bad moment in the store today.  The clerk said to me, “Strip down facing me.”  Apparently, she was referring to my credit card.  My court date is pending.

I got roaring drunk at a club and crossed the floor to get another drink.  The good news:  I won the dance contest.  The bad news:  my court date is pending.

I pride myself on being a good Samaritan.  Yesterday, I helped six old ladies cross the street.  It turns out none of them wanted to go.  My court date is pending.

I tried killing them with kindness.  When that didn’t work, I switched to Plan B.  My court date is pending.

The doctor advised me to drink something with my medication.  Vodka seemed like a good idea.  My court date is pending.

The cop asked me if I knew how fast I was going.  I told him, “Slower than Superman, but I was catching up.”  My court date is pending.

My wife said I should embrace my inner child.  I did and the little bastard screamed and threw a fit.  My court date is pending.

Underneath the “Sale” sign, they promised that all pants were half off, so I went into the store and complied.  My court date is pending.

Admittedly, I’d had a little too much to drink.  The cop asked me why I was weaving all over the road.  I explained that I was trying to avoid a tree.  He glanced inside my car and said, “That’s your air freshener.”  My court date is pending.

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