Some random funnies heard on the street:
I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.
I had a bad moment in the store today. The clerk said to me, “Strip down facing me.” Apparently, she was referring to my credit card. My court date is pending.
I got roaring drunk at a club and crossed the floor to get another drink. The good news: I won the dance contest. The bad news: my court date is pending.
I pride myself on being a good Samaritan. Yesterday, I helped six old ladies cross the street. It turns out none of them wanted to go. My court date is pending.
I tried killing them with kindness. When that didn’t work, I switched to Plan B. My court date is pending.
The doctor advised me to drink something with my medication. Vodka seemed like a good idea. My court date is pending.
The cop asked me if I knew how fast I was going. I told him, “Slower than Superman, but I was catching up.” My court date is pending.
My wife said I should embrace my inner child. I did and the little bastard screamed and threw a fit. My court date is pending.
Underneath the “Sale” sign, they promised that all pants were half off, so I went into the store and complied. My court date is pending.
Admittedly, I’d had a little too much to drink. The cop asked me why I was weaving all over the road. I explained that I was trying to avoid a tree. He glanced inside my car and said, “That’s your air freshener.” My court date is pending.